The semicolon puzzles me here. Does the 'softy' refer to how the kids play or how the rain falls? Or are you being deliberately ambiguous? I also think some more thought should be given to the line structure. I know it's only a small poem but I might be more inclined to lay it out like this:
we play cowboys and indians together
in an old barn as the rain falls softly
This way you emphasise the shape of the piece and allow the reader to make their own mind up on the significance of that 'softly'.
I love the way you have placed the words and I totally take on board what you have said about the semi-colon. Sometimes I try to make things too difficult!
What I love so much about your poetry, Kerri, are the memories and feelings it brings up for me. We had an old barn and although we may not have played cowboys and Indians (more like Nancy Drew), I just remember it as being something so special... It's a wonderful poem- just perfect. xo
She weeps for all that she has wanted to be, for the words that run around inside her all day long but simply cannot fly, for the aeroplane that her paper wants to become.
The birthday girl weeps for her paper aeroplane. And at that very moment, she lifts up her pen. The birthday girl writes.
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